Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Things That Taste Dumb

 It is really hard to eat healthy when you have a good week of failed improv cooking. I'll say it now: I'm a recipe follower. Grabbing random things and cooking them up is not my forte. Example: Last night I thought it would be a wonderful idea to cook up some basmati rice and add a spice packet...

 Okay, I have to preface this by letting you all know that the "I could make that" gene runs in my family. This is the reason none of us ever shop at the mall. Prom dress shopping was a nightmare as a high school kid because every time I pointed out something I liked, my mom would look at the price tag and exclaim, "Woah! Ninety bucks! I could make that for ten!" You have to understand though, that while we all profess to be able to construct things ourselves, we'll never actually do it.

Well, I broke tradition and remembered the spices on the back of the spice packet. Instead of just paying the $1.50, I tried combining the spices into my own mix, figuring that it should taste about the same. Yeah... somehow I undercooked the rice and overestimated the spice to rice ratio. It was crunchy and powdery. Adding cilantro did nothing. The only way I can describe the taste was dumb. 

Definition of "Tasting dumb": You know exactly what was done in the cooking process, and you know what it's supposed to taste like, but what goes in your mouth illicits the almost instantaneous reaction of, "What the heck am I going to do with all food?"
 
Past instances of tasting dumb have included this thing I have a photo of. I saw it at the store and thought, "It's huge! I wonder what it tastes like?" I still don't know what it is, but I do know that it has a pulp/skin that is very foamy and at least an inch and a half thick. I also made a Peanut Butter African Stew once. It ultimately came out to be melted peanut butter with barley and stuff. When I took it out of the fridge in the morning, it had solidified back into peanut butter... but with stuff in it. I had at least a gallon that my husband and I had to hold upside down over the sink while we jabbed at it with a spatula. It finally globbed out with a release of pressure and a giant sucking sound.

Today I tried to survive on leftover cut up pork chop, crackers, and orange and carrots. That explains why I'm totally craving gummie bears and nachos right now.
1. Does anyone know what this is and what you're supposed to do with it?
2. If anyone knows some good kitchen gods aside from Hestia, let me know. I think I need their divine help in sufficiently restocking my refrigerator.

Chocolate Quote of the Day
"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."
 - George Carlin

12 comments:

Danni said...

I have no idea what that thing is, but you had me laughing at the tasting dumb part. I know EXACTLY what you mean! I too am an avid recipe follower and not very good at winging it. Lol.

Tea Witch said...

Oh yes...I know that "tasting dumb" thing quite well myself. I'm not one for throwing things together either.

Here's a website I found that might help you out...

http://www.suite101.com/content/an-introduction-to-kitchen-witch-goddesses-a128010

Kate said...

"Tasting dumb" is the best thing I've heard this year. I love it!

Lemme know what you like and I'll happily put together some recipes and fridge/pantry stock lists for ya.

Mrs BC said...

I think that might be either a citron or a pomelo, but I can't be sure...I bet it would make a good cocktail. Juice it & mix with vodka & soda water, lots of ice & a straw. Yum? let me know ;)
Mrs BC
xx

Diandra said...

Cooking without recipes can be difficult, but you get used to it. It's a process of learning and experimenting and ordering pizza. ^^

And yes, that thing might be a pomelo. Anyway, I would peel everything off that thing and eat it. I loooove experiments.

(I am going to post a recipe of one of my favorite African peanut butter stews one of these days, I promise! Thank you for reminding me, it was a dish the BF and I loved really much.)

Mama's Thyme said...

I like Mrs. BC's advice! LOL Love "tasting dumb". The Mister laughs at me when I tell him certain people "make my teeth itch"

Daffy said...

Tasting dumb is the most accurate description I've heard in a long time. I can totally relate to this post which is probably why I giggled through the whole thing. I don't mean to laugh AT you. Surely I was laughing WITH you, right?!

And you're quote....perfection to be sure! Thanks a million for stopping by the pond and leaving a link.

Miss Sugar said...

Parvati is my kitchen goddess of choice! I talk about her here: http://dropoutdilettante.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-hearth-goddess-parvati.html

adrienzgirl said...

That fruit is a Pomelo. It's a Southern Asia fruit. Common in Thailand and China. It's a citrus fruit similar to grapefruit without the acidic bite the grapefruit normally has.

I can't tell you how many time I have picked up something because it looked cool, only to be sorely disappointed later!

Heathen said...

Oh I know what you mean by tasting dumb. I tend to just throw stuff together and I don't measure a single thing. I kinda cook like Rachel Ray...but she's way better at it! The words "please don't make that again" have been uttered many times in my house.

cinderelly said...

i was going to go with pommelo too, i have only tasted one once, and it was not so green in color. it tasted pretty good though!

Annie said...

Agreed on the pomello.
I have never bought one, simply because I usually buy random fruit that looks neat and I never use it...or I use it wrong (ie/ persimmon).

I have made plenty of food that tastes dumb (and thats what I call it) to me, and yet my boyfriend and his friends scarf it down.
Most recently, peanut butter cookies. I found a quick recipie that was just eggs, sugar, pb. I thought that was odd so I added a big of flour. To me it still tasted like hard sugary PB -they're all gone though.

/story