Thursday, March 3, 2011

Pigeon Diapers

 I know. You read the post title and now this is the part where I cleverly reveal that I am actually using "pigeon diapers" as a political metaphor. Or that it's some kind of anagram. Or maybe I've even sunk so low as to using the old, "SEX! And now that I have your attention..." line. Alas, you are horribly mistaken.

I mean exactly what I say folks. Yesterday I stopped by my good friend's apartment to see her new pets. Now being a vet school student, she always seems to have access to the strangest animal opportunities. For example, one night she was on call because a cow was having surgery and she might be called in to mop up the blood. She also comes from a farm background, and is well-versed in how to pin down and castrate a sheep. So it came as no surprise to me to hear that she adopted two pigeons from the vet school.

Hanging out in a large dog cage converted to a bird cage by the power of dowels, the little guys are actually kind of cute. But that's not what I had gone there to see. Cute schmoot. I wanted to see what my friend had deemed "birdie lederhosen". 

And so, I reiterate: pigeon diapers. Frickin' diapers! For pigeons! And yes, that is a menstrual pad lining the inside. As much love as the creator of the diaper had for pigeons, I just don't think it translates over well in the bird's point of view. Once it's on, the bird waddles around a bit (much in the way a person would if they had to wear an over sized diaper secured around their neck), gets its feet stuck in the bottom, and proceeds to flop forward and whack it's head on the floor until it's readjusted. It poops like crazy in defiance and defense (sometimes missing the pad), and if that doesn't work it starts regurgitating.
Come warmer weather the plan is to move the pigeons out to the farm where they can roam around freely without being confined in their fowl pants, and without my friend having to track them with a bottle of just-in-case 409.

*For those who just can't believe what they're seeing and have to see more, Bird Wear is the company that makes these. You can get them customized too, just in case you love (or hate) John Deer so much that you'd like its logo to emblazon your pigeon's butt!


Leeanna said...

Pigeon diapers, mmmkay. I can die now. I've heard and seen it all. Bwaahahahahahahahhahahaasnort!!!

BTW thanks for the funny as shit comment you left on Sylvia Browne. I was beginning to think I might have over stepped my bounds on calling her out like that on a review but hey that charlatan is what she is. You made my day sweetie, thanks.

Heathen said...

This is...I mean...really? That is the funniest thing ever!