I suppose most eclectic solitary Wiccans come to this point one way or another. That nagging feeling, urge, or even pressure to choose a tradition. I've hit that mark in my personal chronology and I think I would gladly trade it for several days of household chores.
When asked about my religious preferences by other members of the magickal community, my first response is always: eclectic solitary Wiccan. The eclectic is because I just don't clique with most traditions, and the solitary, well, because of the former. This becomes a huge problem for me because being alone and working with a smattering of gods and goddesses is not the best set-up for me (Trust me. I was a student that did not do well in high school independent study classes.). I need structure and guidance - especially in the books I read and the people I meet. If there is such a thing as a skeptical witch, I'm that. I need to have bibliographies, footnotes, educated authors, and researched data. Being solitary means I get to determine the credentials, but it can also be lonely and without purpose.
As frustrating as this process is of researching on my own in a desperate, and what seems like futile, attempt to define my path is, I can take comfort in the fact that I'm going it the Kiki way. For those who love Miyazaki films (Spirited Away, Howl's Flying Castle, etc.), you know what I'm talking about. For those who are thinking, "What?" go watch his cutest movie ever. Go ahead. I'll wait. Watched it? Near dying from a severe overdose of cutesness? Excellent.
Kiki didn't really choose to start a flying delivery business. She worried a bit about what kind of witch she would become, but didn't agonize over it. She lived her life, did what she loved, and fell into it. I'm hoping that, like Kiki, I'll stumble upon the type of witch I want to be too.
Is this right? Has anyone else hit this weird Pagan funk? Or, if you're another kind of religious, a religious funk?
12 comments:
I definitely feel that way. I feel like I need the guidance, the help... Companionship...And I've spoken to a few friends about it and such... Same things "That's the beauty about being an eclectic Wiccan..." So it's just like... Fudge. I don't quite know where to go, what to read, etc.
What exactly is the Kiki way?
I was at that point a few years ago. Again. Usually, when I reached this point, I would take a few steps back, repeat the last things I had learned and find a way to continue my own path. But that time, I decided to go about it differently. In Germany, there is this beautiful book (yes, I learn best from books) by Vicky Gabriel called "Paths to the old Gods", and she shares a 13-chapter training, most likely meant for beginners. She starts with really basic things, like breathing exercises and meditation practice and explaining the tools. There are great visualizations, and as the year advances, I learned more and more. And at the end, she suggests looking for a personal God or Godess to choose.
And I was chosen by my personal Godess. I haven't felt lost ever since, although I have discovered there's still tons of stuff out there for me to learn and experience.
Long story short - maybe you don't need a tradition, but your own God/Godess?
@Soraya - Sorry for not explaining. "Kiki's Delivery Service" was a 1989 animated film by Hayao Miyazaki. It's about a witch named Kiki who leaves home for a year to train as per witch tradition. She finds a town to live in, and kind of falls into a job as a flying delivery girl. The rest of the movie revolves around Kiki's adventures in the town and how they help her develop as a person and as a witch. When I say the Kiki way, I'm hoping that just wandering through my own daily adventures will help me find who I am - magickally speaking. Hm, I probably should have put that explanation in there in the first place. :P
@Diandra - I tend to work more with the overarching God and Goddess than I do with specific deities. But maybe there's one that will call out to me one of these days.
Too bad I can't read a lick of German (other than uber unter and schvimvest... I got bored on a flight to Spain :P), I'd like to check out that book.
How about Marion Green's Thirteen Moons? She's a British witch, well respected and she too leads you through a whole year of study. Again, it is aimed at new folks to the Craft, but even as a seasoned witch I still go back to the book when I feel like busyness has overtaken.. even if it's only for a few months, following the exercises, the meditations etc is so helpful.
ok, let's see if I can post a reply in a paragraph or less. lol. (I'm betting I can't, I ramble... much like right now...)I am in the same boat as you. I have been on my path for some time now and once you've learned all the basics and all the books start to repeat themselves you're like, "ok, soooo, now what? That can't be all I need to learn!" I enjoy reading books by Silver Ravenwolf on occasion. They give outlines in courses of study that she uses for her own coven classes. She has a 3 part series starting with "To Ride a Silver Broom Stick" which is more for beginners and the next two "To Stir a Magic Cauldron" and "To Light a Sacred Flame." Like you, I'm skeptical about everything I read. So some of the stuff she says every now and then I kinda meh at cuz it's not me, but reading about it only helps me define what kind of witch I am by helping me decide what I like and what works for me and what doesn't. Another GREAT book is "The Circle Within" by Dianne Sylvan. It's about taking your spirituality a step further and creating your own tradition and path for your everyday life. It's really a great read. I don't have a patron goddess/god either. I prefer the collective. But I do have some that I favor only for certain workings (such as Bast for helping my kitty get better). Honeslty, you don't need a specific path or tradition unless you feel it necessary. If you do feel it necessary then start researching them one by one and take notes on what works and what doesn't. Eventually, you will come across what's right. And I understand, it can be a lonely process and sometimes as a solitare it sucks to be one your own. But you're never alone in any of it. Try getting out in the local pagan community, if you don't have one try some of the networking sites online. That's how I've managed the lonely nights lol. I hope this helps. I think we are both hitting the same road blocks. Maybe we can help each other throught the processes! Thanks for posting about this!! I hope I was able to help in some way.
Hmm, I love not having to conform to anything and jumping all over. Sometimes I step out of the realm of "wiccan" books and go to Buddhism, Hinduism, etc . . . but I do find that horrible repeat in Wiccan books. They almost all assume you're a beginner and give you the same information. That book, "The Circle Within" sounds interesting.
I love that you say skeptical witch . . . that's my tag line on my blog :)
I'm more of a simple green witch. I just do as I please for the Goddess and the Earth.
I checked out the Miyazaki movies. Awesome! Think I'll go rent a few for the weekend.
Oh while I have the chance. Your music player is also awesome, along with the choice in music. I love coming in here to listen and getting ideas for artists to download on my Ipod. My sister is also a belly dancer. She lives in California. I want so much to learn but there is no one here or nearby to teach me. :(
Re: Gods/Goddesses - that's what I used to do. And when "my" Goddess showed up and said, "I want you", I gave her the finger and replied, "Take a picture, that's all you'll get." Let's say, she is way more stubborn than I am. (^v^)
Re: Vicky Gabriel - yes, it's one of the best books I know, and maybe I will translate it myself one day (if she gives consent). The books by Marian Green are said to be good as well, but I don't know them...
BF, I am totaly in touch with that emotion! For 20 odd years I classified myself as 'Solitary Wiccan', until a few busy years saw me become a 'non practising solitary wiccan'. That time was like a circut breaker, because when I started to feel my spirituality again I didnt quite feel aligned to wicca..I still consider myself a witch, but what kind? Do I need a pigeon hole? Because I hate labels. I long with all my heart for some sense of community, but have just never been able to find it. I dont feel a coven would be a right fit for me. I would love to meet some like minded group of people, for coffee/chat/circle/discussion. There has to be a spell for that, right? Maybe a candle to light the path when it gets dim & tricky? Best of luck with your journey :)
Mrs BC
xx
I've been through this funk before. My first real calling was to be a Hedge Witch - my heart literally would skip a beat when I thought the word. But I read some blogs of some Hedge-Witches, and it killed it for me. Now my brain links Hedge-Witchcraft with something lower and very stupid than what it deserves.
My second funk came after the realization that I absolutely love doing Magick with food and homey things like knitting. Thus, I identify myself as a Kitchen Witch, and a very ecclectic and skeptical one at that. But I love it dearly and it suits me perfectly.
Thank you for all advice, guys. It really helps to hear that I'm not the only one that's hit this point & tried to struggle through it. :)
@Joxy - I think I just saw that one at the library. I'll have to check it out next time I'm in.
@J.Moehring - Absolutely. We must think alike b/c I don't have a ton of books, but I do have all of those. :P
@City Wiccan - It is kind of hard to take a Wiccan you just met seriously when they start asking if you'd like to light some sage and meet their cosmic dwarven spirit guide. Okay, so that hasn't happened to me yet. But it might! And when it does, I will be severely weirded out. :P
@Leeanna - You have a lucky sister! She lives in the mecca of bellydancing. If she lives in San Francisco, even more so.
@Mrs BC - If I lived anywhere near Australia, I'd be the first one over with the tea pot. :) How is the Pagan scene in Brisbane anyway?
@Elise - I thought I had been moving that way too. I just can't seem to find enough material on kitchen witchery. Lots of recipes, not much about magickal technique. But I love it just the same. :)
I can truly say I know how you feel I am really in the same place you are. I love the Kiki way! If only I could fall into the perfect job the way she does! Thank you for reminding me of these movies they are worth a second or twenty-second watch. All I can say is to keep stepping forward and something will happen, it is what seems to keep me going.
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